About

My goal is to eventually break apart my story in blog posts to share with you more details as its kind of an extensive story. But here is the abbreviate story. My husband and I struggled with infertility and I had to be a fertility medications. We had 2 miscarriages within 6 months of each other. The first one was at 8 weeks, we named that baby Lilah. The second one was around 10 weeks, we named him Eli. The second baby did have a heart beat at 6 weeks. I passed the first miscarriage naturally and had a d/c for the second miscarriage as it was a missed miscarriage. I struggled with a lot of mental health issues and suicidality after this which lead to several hospital stays and an outpatient DBT program (which I am forever grateful for because my life is completely different now). After a year and a half more of not getting pregnant again we decided to stop all fertility medications and adopt. By Gods amazing grace we unintentionally got pregnant during the adoption process. We found out at 5 weeks we were pregnant with twins. But by the next ultrasound we had lost one of the babies. We named that baby Elanor. My daughter was perfect throughout my pregnancy, however, I had lots of complications and was induced at 33 weeks 5 days. My daughter arrived on September 16th, 2022 born at 34 weeks 1 day weighing 5lbs 15oz. She spent a total of 19 days in the NICU but is perfectly healthy to this day. My husband and I decided to start trying to conceive again when my daughter was 1. We were shocked to find out we were pregnant our first month trying. However, it wasn't long until I found out I was having my third miscarriage. I passed this baby naturally as well. We named this baby Levi. On October 15th, 2023 we joined the "Wave of Lights" and lit 4 candles for our babies in Heaven, Lilah, Eli, Elanor, and Levi. I started to work on "Carried" after our third miscarriage. During that time we found out that I was pregnant again. Shocked that we were able to get pregnant so fast again I was certain this one wouldn't end in a miscarriage. Unfortunately, a few days before Christmas we found out I was having my fourth miscarriage. I passed the baby naturally again. We named this baby Nora. This is something we are continuing to go through right now but I know that I am not the only women going through this. 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage. I want to break the silence and offer resources to help support and companion other women who are grieving. I pray that all of these resources and support will help you through this difficult time.